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kevin
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Posted: 16 September 2008 at 9:03pm | IP Logged Quote kevin

mike_1stgear wrote:


did i not start the tread with this joke

No that was about a duck buying beer in a bike shop, this one is about a duck being offered a job in the circus for which he is unsuitable being a plasterer.



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mike_1stgear
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Posted: 17 September 2008 at 8:35am | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear


oh yes  this duck joke was my 2nd  duck joke posting
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Noel
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Posted: 17 September 2008 at 11:08am | IP Logged Quote Noel
You two are quackers!

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Timestar
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Posted: 18 September 2008 at 3:27pm | IP Logged Quote Timestar
Q: How come U2 still hasn't found what they're looking for?
A: Because the streets have no names.

Q: What kind of lawyers praise U2?
A: Pro Bono lawyers.

Q: Why did Bono fall off the stage?
A: He was too close to The Edge.
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mike_1stgear
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Posted: 18 September 2008 at 3:34pm | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear


hang your head in shame timey
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kevin
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Posted: 13 December 2008 at 8:58pm | IP Logged Quote kevin

And now it gets seasonal



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kevin
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Posted: 13 December 2008 at 9:02pm | IP Logged Quote kevin

How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

 

***** 

 

How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?
Stacks!

 

*****  

 

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
Because a little water ends both of them!

 

***** 

 

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

 

*****  

 

What happened when the snow girl fell out with the snow boy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

 

*****  

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was? Elf-taught!

 

*****  

 

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

 

*****  

 

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

 

*****

 

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail!

 

***** 


A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent’s house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.

Suddenly, the younger began to do so in a very loud voice: “Dear Lord, please ask Santa Clause to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope”

His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said: “Why are you shouting your prayer? God isn’t deaf!”

“I know”, he replied, “but grandma is!”

 

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The three stages of life

Stage one: You believe in Father Christmas.

Stage two: You don’t believe in Father Christmas.

Stage three: You are Father Christmas.

 

***** 

 

It was up to Christmas and the Judge was in a jolly frame of mind. “Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?”

“I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early”, replied the man in the dock.

“That doesn’t seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by very early?”

“Well, your Honour”, said the defendant, “It was before the shop was open.”

 



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Kevyn
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Posted: 14 December 2008 at 8:17am | IP Logged Quote Kevyn

 

What is a Kenyan's favourite Christmas song?

I saw Mau Mau kissing Santa Claus.

 
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Timestar
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Posted: 19 December 2008 at 8:33am | IP Logged Quote Timestar
Here is one for Mike

Elephant on bike

Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
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mike_1stgear
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Posted: 19 December 2008 at 9:24am | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear





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