Posted: 06 September 2006 at 12:08am | IP Logged

mike_1stgear wrote: I was at the athletics stadium today and I saw a guy walking around with a big stick. 'are you a pole vaulter' I asked? 'no, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'

You can do better than this, surely!

Posted: 06 September 2006 at 8:49am | IP Logged

No he can't!! Still, better than me!!!

Posted: 06 September 2006 at 9:36am | IP Logged

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:

'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!', she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

So he did.

Posted: 08 September 2006 at 10:34am | IP Logged

A Jelly Baby walks into a pub and starts chatting to a Smartie.

After a few beers, the Smartie says, “I am going over to that new club tonight – fancy coming along?”

The Jelly Baby says, “No, sorry, I am a bit of a soft centre myself – if I go there I’m bound to get my head kicked in.”

The Smartie says, “Don’t worry.  I’m a bit of a hard case myself – I’ll look after you.”

The Jelly Baby agrees and so the two go off to the club.

All is going well until three Lockets come in.  As soon as he sees them, the Smartie dives under the table.

The Lockets see the Jelly Baby on his own and immediately lay into him.  They punch him, kick him and smash a bottle over his head.  After they have finished with him, they get bored and walk out.

The Smartie emerges from under the table and the Jelly Baby says to him, “I thought you said you were going to look after me!”

The Smartie replies, “I was, but those Lockets are completely menthol!”    

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Give or take two minutes

Posted: 08 September 2006 at 11:20am | IP Logged

My dearest Pushbike Mike,

I can wholeheartedly say I am in full agreement with your last post. The sheer lack of quality of the post by Kevyn does bring one to see the depths to which such humour can fall. Even worse than the football scoreline I was shown at work which reflected the sympathy shown to the sadly deceased Australian reptile tamer, it read Crocks 0 Sharks 1. I was appalled by the depraved minds which unearthed that humourless adage but now reading about the improbable rendering about sweets in a pub, I can almost cry in sadness at the poorness of the aforementioned post.