Posted: 22 November 2012 at 9:41am | IP Logged

OnLineGenie wrote: It's estimated that by the year 2025 it will be impossible to be more than six feet away from the nearest ex-Chelsea manager.

Or, to slightly misquote Andy Warhol:

"In the future, everyone will be Chelsea manager for 15 minutes"

Posted: 26 November 2012 at 12:46pm | IP Logged

The vicar of St Cuthbert's was ill, so the church warden phoned the vicar of the next parish to see if he could take a Holy Communion service. 

"I'd be happy to."  the other vicar replied, "The problem is I am an Evangelical and St Cuthbert's is very traditional.  I wouldn't know all the ceremonial proceedures."

"That will be no propblem,"  the church warden replied, "I can explain it all beforehand."

So before the service, the church warden went through all the proceedures.  When it got to the "raising of the host" , she explained, "At this point of the service, it is very important that you lift up the bread high into the air so that all the congregation can see it."

The vicar took the service, amd everything went well except that, at the point for the raising of the host, he forget to lift up the bread.

While everyone was having tea and coffee after the service, the chuirch warden went up to the vicar.  "You didn't raise up the host."  she said.

"I am sorry for missing that out," answered the vicar "but does it really matter?" anserwd the vicar.

"Yes it does," replied the church warden, "that's the cue for the catering team to go and put the kettles on!" 

Posted: 27 November 2012 at 10:06pm | IP Logged

 Probably not far from the truth

Posted: 20 December 2012 at 7:30am | IP Logged

I suffer from CDO.  It's a bit like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be.

Posted: 12 January 2013 at 10:48pm | IP Logged

A 90 year old woman has got married for the fourth time.  Her first husband was a merchant banker, her second husband a circus clown, her third husband was a vicar and her latest husband an undertaker.

It was a case of one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready now, go cat, go!