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mike_1stgear
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Posted: 16 March 2006 at 4:04pm | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear


Two parrots on a perch

One says to the other can you smell fish?




Two fish in a tank.

One says to other,

I'll drive, you man the gun.
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Timestar
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Posted: 16 March 2006 at 4:26pm | IP Logged Quote Timestar

Howdy Mike,

Hey it's not Friday is it - coz Friday is joke day

Looking for some good one - be warned

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mike_1stgear
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Posted: 17 March 2006 at 8:46am | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear


Two blondes walk into a bar...


you'd have thought one of them would have seen it.





 there are 10 types of people in the world . . .


. . . those who understand binary, and those who don't ;>)



A horse walks into a bar and the barman says why the long face?








Edited by mike_1stgear - 17 March 2006 at 8:46am
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Vulpine
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Posted: 17 March 2006 at 11:26am | IP Logged Quote Vulpine

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they offered a standing £1,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon
to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would
win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, circus strongmen etc)
but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the
bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny
squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said "OK", grabbed a
lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the
rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd
cheered, the bartender paid the £1,000 and asked the little  man, "What
do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, what?"
"No", the man replied, "I work for the tax office."


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Timestar
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Posted: 17 March 2006 at 3:00pm | IP Logged Quote Timestar

  • An over zealous traffic cop stopped the vicar on his bicycle: After checking the bike thoroughly and finding nothing wrong he had to let the vicar go: "You will never arrest me because God is with me wherever I go" said the vicar. "Right then" (said the cop) "Iím nicking you for carrying a passenger on a single seater vehicle!"
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    Timestar
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    Posted: 17 March 2006 at 3:05pm | IP Logged Quote Timestar

    How do you get a rock guitar player to slow down? Put some sheet music in front of him!

    How is a drum solo like a sneeze? You know its about to happen, but you can't do anything to prevent it.

    What do you throw a drowning Disk Jockey? His amplifier

    What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer!

    How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None; they can't get up that high!

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    rapid thomas
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    Posted: 20 March 2006 at 11:54am | IP Logged Quote rapid thomas

    THE TWO GOLDEN RULES OF LIVE PERFORMING:

    1. Always leave your audience wanting more
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    mike_1stgear
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    Posted: 21 March 2006 at 8:40am | IP Logged Quote mike_1stgear



    whats rule 2
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    Timestar
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    Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:14am | IP Logged Quote Timestar

    hahaha you fell for that one

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    Noel
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    Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:19am | IP Logged Quote Noel

    Oh dear Mike, hook line and bike chain!

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